3-19-12 Zumba Measurements

From 2-13-12 to 3-19-12

Right Arm: 10.75 (was 11.5)
Left Arm: 11.25 (was 11.25)
Chest: 40.25 (was 41) .75 lost
Under: 33.5 (was 33.5)
Waist: 35.5 (was 36.75) 1.25 lost
Gut: 37.5 (was 39) 1.5 lost
Hips: 40.5 (was 41) .5 lost
Right Leg: 20.75 (was 20)
Left Leg: 20.75 (was 20.25)

In 4 weeks I've lost 4 inches total!!! Pretty proud of myself.
Over all I've lost 35.25 inches since February 14, 2011!!!! :D

New Year New Goals

Of course with the holidays I put on a few unwanted inches and pounds. I'm determined to get those off plus some by wedding time. I've joined a gym and continue to Zumba 3 times a week. Here are my measurements to start the new year:

As of 1-2-12:

Right Arm: 11.25
Left Arm: 11.5
Chest: 43
Under: 38.5
Waist: 38.5
Gut: 41.5
Hips: 42
Right Leg: 21
Left Leg: 21.25

I've gone up a bit in some places since my last measurements in October, but I kinda figured they would. I'll report back in a few weeks with my new measurements!

GOAL!!!!!!!!

Today, November 3rd 2011, I met my first weight loss goal. I wanted to be at 170, and today I weighed in at 169.8!!! It's crazy to look back to pictures and see how far I've come these 10 months. I'd like to share some with you.

Beginning- 208lbs
















I was the biggest bridesmaid in my friend Mindy's wedding in September 2010.

















The night Jase and I were engaged. Dec. 13, 2010. Look at how wide my body is. :(













Engaged! Look at how round my face is! And that double chin!!!


Middle: About 185lbs













My Birthday Feb 23. Better but still have a round face.

















Lauer Wedding April 2, 2011.



Now: 169lbs!!!!!













Gabrielle and I at her birthday party. August 14, 2011


















Halloween 2011. Size 12 pants. :)



So as you can see, I feel like I've come a pretty long way in less than a year. I'm not quite done yet. I've started a new goal on LoseIt.com I want to lose about 1.5 lbs a week and I want to be 155lbs at the end. It says if I do lose that weight each week I'll be 155 in the middle of January, which I would absolutely love!

Measurements

Haven't updated my measurements on here in a long time. Figured I need to start doing so, just in case my cat decides to pee on my purse and ruin everything in it again. Gross and sad. :(

October 10, 2011 Measurements
-R Bi- 12
-L Bi- 11.5
-Chest- 43.5
-Under- 36
-Waist- 37
-Gut- 41.5
-Hips- 42.5
-R Leg- 22.5
-L Leg- 22.25

I gave up chips for the week at work, if I can go all week without eating one single chip, I'm going to treat myself to a new Zumba shirt (and hopefully some lower numbers on my measurements). I'm pretty sure I went up in my gut, but oh well. Now that the fall festival is over with, it's time to really start cracking down on what I eat and how much I exercise!

Sometimes I don't know where to go...

I want to begin the blog by saying that I love my church and my church family with all of my heart. I've grown up with them and I know they all care about me so much, and I care about them. However, lately, I just haven't been feeling my church. I'm not sure exactly what it is. I just can't put my finger on it, but I find myself not wanting to be involved with many things at the church anymore.
Over the past few years, I've been a part of the church choir, I've been a part of our contemporary service band on Wednesday nights, and I've helped out with various other things and events around the church throughout the year.
But lately, I've just wanted a break. Jase has been telling me for a few years now that I need to cut something out of my busy busy schedule. And I keep telling him that I can't just cut something out because everything means so much to me, and it's not that easy. But I'm starting to think he's right.

When I look at my life, I see 4 main things that keep me busy:
1.) Work (duh)- I work anywhere from 35-45 hours a week, which is quite a lot. I work a lot of late nights, and it's hard for me to get up in the morning for Sunday School and church. It's not like a lot of other kids my age that I know that don't go to church because they spend their Saturday nights drinking. I spend my Saturday nights making money so I am able to afford to pay my bills.
2.) Working out- Ever since January, this has been such an important thing for me. I'm trying to make changes about the way I eat and the way I look, and that (sadly) doesn't come easy. It takes a lot of time and effort to cook, eat right, and work out. And unfortunately, one night that I do my Zumba is on Wednesday nights. It hasn't been bad this summer, but now that school is back in session we have choir practice on Wednesday nights, and after labor day, we're going to start the contemporary services again. And I'm just not sure if I want to give up that hour of fun and exercise.
3.) Church- My time spent at church has been cut back a lot in the past few months. A while ago, I used to be at church 3-5 days a week just doing different things. It's not that I don't enjoy doing these things, they just take up a lot of time, where I could be doing something else.
4.) Wedding Planning- This is new to me, and I know won't last forever; however it's probably the 2nd most important thing in my life right now. And boy does it take up a ton of time. I find myself doing things for my wedding instead of doing other things for my church sometime.

I hate the fact that I would rather work out, or plan my wedding instead of do things at church. It makes me look at myself like a bad christian. How could I want to put something of this world and so material in front of honoring Him? It's really been on my heart a lot lately, and I guess I need to pray more about it. But I probably haven't prayed about it because I know what I should do. But then again, I think I do kind of need a break. While I was doing all of the things at church, I was kind of getting burned out on it. I was tired of having to be at every event every week, and help with everything. I don't know how some people (like Ms Joannie and Ms Diane and several several others) do it.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way. Maybe it's because I don't feel connected to the church sermons, so I'm not getting my spiritual feel. Maybe it's because I'm just being super selfish. Maybe it's because I'm burned out. I'm not sure what it is, but I don't like it, and I just don't know what to do.

239 Days to go!

Only 239 days until my last name changes to Poag! I can't believe it's almost here! Pretty sure I'll be making a decision on a dress here in the next week. Mom and I are going shopping in Owensboro tomorrow and this will probably be the last dress shop we go to. I'm pretty sure I've found "the dress", but I think mom still wants to do a bit of shopping, and I have to admit, I do too, it's pretty fun. I met with Angel yesterday to talk to her about flowers and center pieces and stuff. Then Jase and I went and met with Third Generation Photography in Mt. Vernon. So I got a few things accomplished for the wedding the other day. Once I get my schedule at work tomorrow, I'm going to make some more appointments to do things next week.

Here's an update on house hunting: We've decided to buy dad's house. We're actually moving in September 16th!!! I've got so much to do until then. I've got to get packed and get this apartment cleaned! It's crazy. We're going to have a few roommates for a little bit to help with the costs, but it should be a good family house when we decide to start having kids

OH! And, my very best friend in the whole wide world is also now engaged! When I was little I always hoped that we'd get to plan our weddings together, and now we actually get to! It's pretty exciting for me, and I can't wait to share in her and her fiance's special day, even if it will be a million degrees outside ;).

Magellan's getting so big. He's eating dry kitten food now instead of the wet canned food. He uses the litter box every time. He's getting along well with the other cats; we can actually leave him running around the apartment instead of having to keep him locked up in my room. He likes to play a whole lot, and his version of playing is scratching and biting the crap out of our hands and faces, but he doesn't know better. We do have a slight problem with fleas right now though. Since he's so little, I can't use any flea medicine on him, and we've tried giving him several baths with Dawn dish soap to stun the fleas so we can pick them off of him and kill them, but obviously we didn't get them all. Hopefully we can get that resolved by the time we move to the new house!

Magellan, My Little Explorer

So, as most of you know by now, I have a new man in my life. His name is Magellan and I love him to pieces. We met in the Wal*Mart parking lot on Monday afternoon around 3:00. I picked him up and we went back to my place where I gave him so much love and attention. We've been together for 4 days now, and I'm so happy! He's probably the cutest thing I've ever met!
INTRODUCING... MAGELLAN!!!!



Can you believe this cute little guy was crawling around by himself in the Wal*Mart parking lot? I was about to go home and thank God I saw him! I whipped into a parking spot and picked him up and put him in my lap. I called Jase to tell him what I had found. I thought he was going to be mad, but he said he couldn't blame me. I brought him back to my apartment and put a towel down in the bathtub for him to lay on. Katie-Bug came over and saw him and gave him the awesome name of Magellan. We've had a pretty good 4 days so far. I took him to the vet yesterday to get him checked out. He's pretty good except for some fleas, which I knew about. She also gave me some medicine for the goopy green stuff in his eyes. And she gave me some general "How to take care of a kitten" guidelines. He's been a pretty good kitty so far. He sleeps a lot, pees and poops on Jase (haha), and he's starting to eat kitten canned food instead of drinking from a bottle (HOORAY!). The other cats are starting to get along with him too which is so exciting!! So yes, you can call me the "Crazy cat lady" but at least I've got a "Crazy cat fiance" to go with me! :)

Speaking of fiances, my wedding is in almost NINE months!!!! I can't believe it!!! I need to really start buckling down on making some decisions. I still need a photographer, a cake, a videographer, a dress, bridesmaids dresses, flowers, etc.... But I am WAY too excited!! Katie-Bug, Gabrielle, Angel and I went dress shopping the other day, and I think I've got my decision narrowed down to 2 dresses! AHH!!! I can't believe in the next couple months I'll be making my decisions!

Life is going pretty great right now all around. Along with the new kitty and the wedding planning we are also house hunting. We've looked at a mobile home for sale for about $25,000 but my dad also wants us to buy his house from him for $100,000. We're going to look at that tomorrow. It's crazy to think we'll be making such a big decision, but that's what happens when you grow up!

May Update!

So a few weeks ago the Biggest Loser competition I was competing in finished, and I won! I lost a total of 23.4 pounds which was a total of 11.48%! Not only did I lose 23 pounds, but I will gain about 300 dollars. Not everyone has paid, but I plan on sending out an email soon to those who haven't. I've got some pretty big plans for that money. I'm going to buy an iPod touch and then put the rest either into rent or I'm going to look into a calories burner counter. I'm pretty excited.

I'm still doing Zumba and loving it! I'm so excited for this summer because it opens up some of my nights that I usually don't get to Zumba. Went to Zumba at St. Anthony's today, and that place has no air. It was so hot, and that's the most I've sweated in years! I felt like I was going to get sick a few times from the heat. But I felt good. And Janey announced that we are starting an "inches lost" competition, and since we braved the heat we already got a 1 inch lead over everyone else! I had her measure me today so I can compete in the competition. Here's my measurements lost so far.

.............................................3/29.......... 4/18.......... 5/14.......... 5/29 (start of inches lost competition)
Left Arm........ 12.5............ 11.5.......... 11.5.......... 11.5.............. 11.5
Right Arm...... 12.5............. 12............. 12........... 11.25............. 11.5
Chest............... 45.............. 43.5......... 43.5........... 45.................. 43
Under............ 39.5............. 37.5......... 37.5.......... 37.25............. 37.5
Waist............... 39.............. 36.5.......... 36.............. 36................ 35.5
Gut................. 42.5............ 40.5....... 40.25........... 40................. 40
Hips................. 45.............. 43.5.......... 42............ 42.75.............. 43
Left Leg.......... 25.............. 24.5........ 24.5............. 24............... 23.25
Right Leg........ 25.............. 24.5........ 24.5............ 24.5............... 23

So so far I've lost about 17.75 inches! And that's from March-ish till now.

It is starting to get tougher though. I'm not being as strict on myself about not eating what's not good for me or making sure I exercise every day. But I think this competition will help me get back into it. The winner gets 2 cards (which are used for Zumba work outs and is valued at 70 dollars, and a shirt of our choice off the Zumba web site.

In other news. I've got a fairly big week ahead of me. Tonight we're playing sand volleyball with the Hacienda crew. Tomorrow Jase and I are going to Holiday World with Katie bug and her boyfriend and a few of their friends. Then Tuesday Jase and I are going to look at apartments and then we both work. Then on Wednesday we're hopefully going to meet with my parents to talk about wedding things. I also work all week (except tomorrow) so I'll probably pull another 40+ hour week like I did this week.

"Couch-to-5K"

So a couple weeks ago my friend Megan Day told me about a running plan called "Couch-to-5k". She told me that she had started it and had actually not hated it.
So tonight I looked it up online and decided to start the plan. It seems pretty easy. For the first week you do a 5 minute brisk walk for a warm up, then you jog for 60 seconds and then walk for 90 seconds, then jog for 60 seconds, then walk for 90 seconds... and so on and so forth until you reach 20 minutes. You do this 3 times for the first week, then in the 2nd week you step it up to a 90 second jog to a 2 minute walk. And each week the jog gets longer, and sometimes the walks get shorter and sometimes they get longer.
Tonight was my first time doing the "Couch-to-5K" and I actually really liked it. The 60 seconds didn't seen to long, and the 90 seconds didn't seem too short. After the 20 minutes (then a 5 minute walk cool down I added myself) I was super sweaty and felt like I had gotten a good work out in.
I can't wait to see the progress I make each week. Looks like I need to look for a race to run in about 2 months when this program finishes!

Weight Loss Update

So since I started my weight loss journey in January, I've lost a significant amount of weight. I went from being 205 pounds to now 181.4 pounds! I've lost almost 24 pounds in 3 months! And I've lost a total of 13 inches off my body.

Old Measurements-New Measurements= Inches lost

Left Arm: 12.5-11.5= 1
Right Arm: 12.5-12= .5
Chest: 45-43.5= 1.5
Under: 39.5-37.5= 2
Waist: 39.0-36.5= 2.5
Gut: 42.5-40.5= 2
Hips: 45-43.5= 1.5
Left Leg: 25-24.5= .5
Right Leg: 25-24.5= .5

Everybody keeps asking me "How are you doing it?" and it feels great to tell them "The old fashioned way: diet and exercise." I've been working out more than I have ever worked out in my entire life. And I've been cooking meals at home more than I have ever cooked in my entire life. I take my lunch with me to work every day that way I don't eat whatever I want. Calories are ridiculous whenever you go out to eat, and it sucks because most people don't even know it. And if I do go out to eat, I be sure to plan it before hand and look at their nutrition information before leaving the house.

It's very time consuming and it kind of sucks to have to plan every meal of your day at the beginning of your day, but like a quote I got off of my Biggest Loser game "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail". This quote has kept me going through a lot of it.

As far as exercising goes, I've been going to Zumba with Janey Albin at least once a week at CFC for an hour, sometimes I go to other Zumba classes, but most of the time I don't. I also walk/jog on the treadmill at Jase's house and after that I'll do a bit of weight lifting. If I don't go to Zumba or I'm not at Jase's, I'll do my Biggest Loser for the XBOX Kinect and/or dancing on the XBOX Kinect with Dance Central. And if I don't do any of that, I'll go on a walk with either Katie Bug or Jase downtown.

Speaking of Katie Bug, I took her to Zumba with me weeks ago, and I've gotten her hooked. She's also been working out and eating right and she's lost about 25 pounds. It's so nice to have someone to work out with and keep me motivated, and that's exactly what Katie Bug does, and I absolutely love her! :)

I've still got a long way to go, but instead of sitting here and typing about it, I think I'm going to get off my butt and get to working out!

Mini Pizzas

Made a recipe out of my new Hungry Girl cookbook and I absolutely LOVED it! I'm going to share the recipe in case anyone else wants to try it.

Ingredients:
-1 light English muffin
-1/4 cup shredded fat-free mozzarella cheese
-8 pieces (about 1/2 ounce) turkey pepperoni
-2 tablespoons canned tomato sauce
-Optional: salt, black pepper, oregano, garlic powder, onion powder, red pepper flakes, etc.

Directions:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees

Season tomato sauce, to taste, with any of the optional ingredients. Split English muffin in half and spread sauce on both halves.

Evenly sprinkle cheese over the 2 halves and then top with pepperoni. Place muffin halves on a baking pan sprayed lightly with nonstick spray and cook for 12-14 minutes.

Season as you would a regular slice of pie.

Each serving (2 mini pizzas) is only 190 calories, 3g fat, 25g carbs, 6.5 fiber, and 20g protein.

I also include a 1/2 cup of steam veggies with "I Can't Believe It's Not Butter" spray for an additional 20 calories. So my whole meal was only 210 calories, and I am full. Not stuffed, but full.

I'm so excited to be eating healthier and exercising regularly, and making a healthier me!

Measurements and Presents

Went to Zumba again tonight, I just absolutely love it, however tonight I had a really tough time keeping up. I dont know if it was because this was the first week I wasn't super pumped to go, or if it's because it was REALLY hot in the gym today, or if it's because over the weekend I ate so much crap that my body was feeling the effects. Whatever it was, I did not like it and hope I never feel that way again. Also, I decided that I was going to start having Janey (the instructor) measure me every week so I can start seeing the results. Here's this week's measurements (in inches):


Left Arm: 12.5
Right Arm: 12.5
Chest: 45 (man dang...)
Under: 39.5
Waist: 39.0
Gut: 42.5 (man dang...)
Hips: 45
Left Leg: 25
Right Leg: 25
I can't wait to start seeing the results from this!

As in other news, Valentine's day was today. Jase and I kind of celebrated last night because we both worked this morning, and he worked tonight as well. He got me a panini press/grill which will come in handy when making dinner for the both of us (so it was kind of a present for himself too). He's already asked me to make him something, but I haven't decided if I'm too tired to do so or not. I bought him Assasin's Creed "Brotherhood"... some XBOX game. Totally romantic huh? He also bought me a really sweet card and gave it to me tonight, this is what it said:
Front: "We're so good together"
Inside" We're good together because we share laughter, dreams, quiet moments, special memories, private jokes... and each other. We're good together because we share love. Happy Valentines Day."
And then in his own writing he wrote "Can't wait to share a lifetime of moments with you. I love you!"
I'm not even going to lie, I teared up a bit. I loved it.

My birthday is coming up here soon. I'll be 23 on the 23rd of February. It's my golden birthday, so it's supposed to be real special, but idevenk what I want to do for it yet. I was going to go visit Tyler but Mom and I just went there to help him and Jessi move, and Dad wants me to work for him the 24th-28th... so I guess that's a no go. In case you are just wondering what I want for my birthday, here's a few things:
-http://store.zumba.com/shop/product/i-love-zumba-racerback/purple-black- Size XXL
-http://store.zumba.com/shop/product/supreme-sports-tank/black- Size XL (either the black or the blue)
-http://store.zumba.com/shop/product/wild-for-zumba-spaghetti-tank/navy-aqua (any color, size XXL).
-http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B003AGXI9G/ref=s9_simh_gw_p21_d1_i1?pf_rd_m=ATVPDKIKX0DER&pf_rd_s=center-2&pf_rd_r=16NBY7D9683M27V9SD0N&pf_rd_t=101&pf_rd_p=470938631&pf_rd_i=507846 (to keep all the XBOX stuff at my house straight)
-Seasons 1 and 2 of GLEE!
-An iPod Touch
-Lego Harry Potter for the Kinect
-Michael Jackson the Experience for the Kinect
-A New Guitar Hero game.
-Reebok Easy Tones (size 8)
If you so feel obligated to buy me one of these presents, I would love you for forever! <3

New Year, New Me 2

So not only have I been working out every day, which I kind of love, but I've also started to cook a lot more too. Just another to add to the new me this year.

Last night Jase and I made a chicken stir fry that we found on Loseit.com 's facebook page that someone had made. It consisted of a stir fry veggie mix (broc, peas, baby corns, carrots, water chestnuts and red peppers) and we also added green pepper and onion.

Cook all of that in a big frying pan or in a wok (which I just purchased today and can't wait to use!) then add 2 oz of chicken (Jase added it raw and then cooked the chicken with the veggies).

Also on the side in a separate pot, cook a packet of Ramen noodles (don't season them).

After the chicken is done, add the cooked noodles to the pan/wok and then add 2 tbsp of Stir Fry Sauce and mix together.

Each serving is only 250 calories and is so delicious!

I've included a picture from last night to show you the end (and delicious) product. Try it and let me know what you think.

New Year, New Me.

So being the 5th day of the new year, I decided I needed to blog about a few exciting times that have happened in my life and ones that are still to come.

On December 13, 2010 in the wee hours in the morning, Jase (FINALLY) got down on one knee and asked me to marry him! We started to make dinner around 11:00 at night. We made chicken (helper) fried rice and Shells and Cheese, super fancy I know. After we were done eating, I said something about needing to clean up our mess so that his mother wouldn't get mad, and he said "I figured I'd go ahead and give you your Christmas present so you can start using it." because I was supposed to be getting Reebok Easytone shoes. So he went down and got my present and it was a semi large box, when I unwrapped that one there was a smaller box inside that was wrapped that said "Will" on the top of it. After I unwrapped that one, there was another smaller box inside that said "You". On the next box it said "Marry", and then on the 4th box, which was the box my ring box was inside of, it said "Me" and by the time I got to that box, he was down on his knee beside the table. It was very sweet and very romantic, and I can't wait to start my new life as Mrs. Poag. I haven't decided on an exact date yet (that's on my to-do list for tomorrow) but it is going to be sometime in April 2012.

I decided not to go back to school this semester. I'm not 100% sure of what I want to do with my life.... still. I'm pretty sure I am going to go Ivy Tech next semester and major in Hospitality/Event Planning, but not so sure. I'm so ready to get a degree and to get a real job.

Since I have my wedding coming up, I've decided that there is no better time to really buckle down and get into shape. I decided to buy an Xbox Kinect and I'm so glad it did. Even though it's only been a few days since I've had it, I've used it every day and my body is sore, but I know that it's a good thing because it's getting me closer and closer to my goal. We bought Dance Central and the Biggest Loser "game". I absolutely love Dance Central even though I feel like a giant loser because I don't do some of the moves exactly right, but it gets my heart beating and my body sweating all while I'm having fun. The Biggest Loser is a little bit of a different story. I love it because it's just like a work out video, except for the fact that it tells you when are you doing the moves wrong unlike a movie would. However, it is not much fun. I'm not even kidding when I say it's hard work. After the first 5 minutes I'm so out of breath, but after I'm done I feel so good about myself.

I'm also very excited because there is a small group of my friends that are playing "The Biggest Loser". We are going to have a contest for 17 weeks (until the beginning of May) to see who can lose the most weight. The winner wins money because at each weigh in every week (on Fridays) we are going to put $2 into the pot, and if you gain any weight you have to throw in an extra dollar. I really hope I win because not only will I have a fit body, but I'll have a coupe extra dollars in my pocket, which is always good when planning a wedding.

Not only am I exercising more, but I'm also really trying to eat right. I'm not sure how I'm doing, I'm very bad at counting my calories, but I feel like I am eating better that what I was. (that's another thing on my to-do list tomorrow, to buy a little notebook to write down calories) Today I made another batch of chili. My mom and I got the recipe whenever we were dieting together my senior year, it's my favorite chili ever! Here's the recipe it you would like to try it yourself:

-1 pound of ground turkey
-1 large can crushed tomatoes
-1/2 small onion
-1 1/3 cups macaroni or other pasta
-1/2 to 1 packet Chili mix (Williams is good) or Chili Powder to taste
-Lawry's Season Salt to taste
-Pepper to taste
-1/4 tsp. Garlic Powder
-Louisiana Hot Sauce (optional)

Brown turkey and saute' onions together, drain or rinse off fat (there should be very little). In a large soup pan add tomatoes, seasoning and 4 to 6 cups of water (the more water you use, the soupier it'll be).

Bring to a boil then turn to medium heat, add macaroni and simmer 15-20 mins.

Makes 4-5 servings.




I've included some pictures, I also started adding jalapenos to my chili because I love spicy chili! This has been my favorite recipe to make and eat from when we were dieting. It's really easy and it tastes so good!

Here's to a new, healthier, more fit year!

Thankfulness

Here's a semi-short list of what I'm thankful this year (not necessarily in order of importance).

1.) Jase Face- I don't know anyone else who could put up with some of the things I put him through. He is the only person who I feel like could love me no matter how I look or when I say something really dumb. He's always there for me, even if I don't realize it at the time, and he really does love me.

2.) My family- It's so full of love and I couldn't ask for a better one. I'm so lucky to have such a wonderful and caring family. If I didn't have them, I would be completely and utterly lost.

3.) My friends- These people are always around for me to pour my heart out to, from work problems to good grades. They don't judge me and they love me the way that I am. There's hardly anything I love more than to lay down at night and think of all the funny things that were said and done while being with them.

4.) My relationship with God- Although it may not be the best right now, I'm so lucky to know that I have a God who loves me more than anything or anyone here on Earth. It's so nice to have someone that I can turn to at any hour of the day and will know that He is always there and is always listening.

5.) Reggae, PePee, Chaz- My 3 wonderful and very special Boys. I love always having something to come home to. I love burring my face in their fur. And I love it when they cuddle up next to me in bed and purr for hours on end.

6.) My Church Family- It's so nice to have so many extra families that care for me. I feel so blessed to be accepted into a lot of different families and I love each and every single one of them. They are always there for me, and show me how to lead a Christian life, and I look up to them.

7.) My Job/Co-workers- I love my job at Hacienda Mexican Restaurant. It's nice to work for people who actually care about your goals, dreams, and even just you in general. And my co-workers are the best. I've got such a strong bond with most of them and they always keep me in a positive mood and always keep me laughing. There are many times throughout a shift that I think "Man, I just love my co-workers!!!"

8.) Being able to have the things I need to make it through each day. A warm place to lay my head down at night, money to buy food to feed my belly and to pay my bills, clothes to keep me warm and hide my imperfections, a car to get me to class and to work and to see all the people I love.

I just love the holiday of Thanksgiving. It makes you sit back and look at your life and realize what exactly you are thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! God Bless!!!!!!

I'm a failure.

Alright, let me just tell you how big of a failure I've been this week...

My CMST class had been canceled all week, so I haven't had to go. So why didn't I go to my English class at ALL this week? I can't tell you. I had a paper due Monday, and I still haven't even done it.
Ugh, I dont even know what's wrong with me. I am only taking 6 hours (after dropping 2 classes) instead of 12. I'm not even a full time student and I still can't keep up. It's not that I'm too busy, or the stuff is too hard, it's just whenever I get home, I just want to relax. I don't want to have to do homework. Especially since I don't even know if I want to really major in communications.
I just seriously don't even have any motivation to do anything right now. I wish I knew what my passion was. I wish I knew what I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I wish I liked school and I wish I was good at it. I wish I wasn't a failure at this.

I think I'm going to start reading "The Purpose Driven Life" (for the 4th time) again. I really want to get my life in order. I want to know what I want to do, and I want to get it accomplished. I think this book will help me out. And to keep on track, I think I'm going to blog about it every night. Just I can be sure I read it instead of quitting like every other time I've tried to read it.

I'm just so ready to be done with school and to move onto the next phase in my life (aka marriage and motherhood).

I'm empty

It makes me sad to admit, but I do not feel that I am getting the spiritual fullness that I need from my church. This problem, I fear, has been a long time coming. I just don't get much out of it anymore, which upsets me beyond words.

I love all of my church family, but sometimes friendships just aren't enough in a church. It's been especially hard since most people have moved away for college and it seems like we hardly have time to have any fellowship together at church.

Not only that, but I just cannot get connected to the services. I do not feel like they are connecting with me and the way that my life is going right now.

I'm so hungry for the fullness, but week after week I just feel empty.

I'm not sure how to fix this problem. Do I stick it out because it's the church I've been going to since I was born and have so many friendships and connections with. Do I stick it out because I feel like if I don't go I might be judged. Do I stick it out because of the few things I am involved in, even if I am not benefiting from it?

Or, do I seek out another solution? Even though I hate saying it, do I seek out another church to be a part of and be active in?

It breaks my heart to think of maybe having to do that, but I don't know how to feel full if I stay in the spot that I am in.

MAD Camp 2010

Well another year at Indian Creek has come and gone. I'd like to say it passed by quickly and that I enjoyed it to the fullest, but then I'd be lying.

Needless to say, I had a rough week this past week. It all started out with our dear friend Sara Johnson's death on Sunday July 18th. Sara was a MAD camper of ours (and so were here 2 little sisters). A long long time ago, Sara and I were campers together, and then I was her cabin leader. It's just so hard to believe that she is gone from us. The weirdest thing is, is that we saw her on Saturday night at the parking lot at Mr. Gatti's. Looking back on it, I wish we would have stayed out and talked in the rain with her a little longer, and I wish I would have jumped in her car and gave her a big hug. But hindsight is 20/20. We now know that Sara is up in Heaven with God our Father, and having a good ole time!

My girls in my cabin were a little bit of a challenge this year. Although I love them all dearly, they made my week a little more rough. I had 9 girls to keep track of, and that's a lot; 3 of those girls had never ever ever been to Indian Creek before, and out of those 3, 2 of them were sisters. I had one girl I had was, awkward around people, and we had to have a bunch of talks about getting along with everyone. The first and second night my 2 little sisters were homesick. They wanted to call their mom and go home, but I didn't let them, and by Tuesday they were fine and dandy and made it through the week. I also had many of my girls that had to go to Nurse Karen. My girls probably should have had a "frequent visit" card for how many times they went there. Also, at one point in the week, I had to do a load of laundry for a few of my girls... that was... awesome.

One thing that came out of my rough cabin was I felt like God was speaking to me throughout the week. And I'm not gonna lie, I don't think that that has ever happened to me. We kinda had a bunch of problems in our cabin throughout the week, and each day I had a devotion planned for the end of the day when we were all back in our cabin, but God had different plans, and he was able to tell me that through out the day. I did one on how God made each of us different and how much He loves who we are, and how everyone should accept us for who we are, because some people felt like others didnt like them. Another night we had to have a devotion on forgiveness, and I told the story about the men who owed each other money. One servant owed his king ten thousand talents (which is about 3 billion dollars), but he begged his king to give him more time because he didnt have the money. The king just said to forget whatever he owed him. But then that servant went out and saw one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred denarii (which is only 5,000 dollars) and the servant didnt have it. So he coked him and had him thrown in jail. So when their king heard of this, he went to the servant who owed him 3 billion dollars, called him a "wicked servant" and told him that he should have forgiven the guy who owed him 5,000 dollars because he forgave his debt of 3 billion dollars. The king had the servant tortured until he could pay back all that he owed. And in Matthew 18:35 it says "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart". (Matthew 18:22-35) That was a fun devotion.

This week we also had a new camp pastor. Pastor Sherri Moulden was our pastor, and she was absolutely fabulous. I enjoyed sitting in chapel and hearing her words. You can definitely tell that she loves God, and loves what she does, and wants to touch so many people's hearts and lives. One special thing she did for me throughout the week was ask how my day was going, and gave me pats of encouragement. I'd like to say, that if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't have been able to get through the week.

We also were able to have a band this week at MAD Camp. We were blessed to have En Gedi from Indiana Wesleyan University all week. They were fabulous and helped make chapel my most favorite time of the day. Their songs were great, and we had a great time learning them. I don't know about anyone else, but they have been stuck in my head since Saturday. The guys were also in charge of Cabin Olympics, which they took and made their own (Intergalactic Cabin Olympics) where the cabins were competing to be the leaders of the planet Zarkonia and they participated in several events that would earn the cabins Zarkons. Our cabin came in 6th (really 5th) out of 8 cabins, which was pretty good, even though I'm not sure how that happened, because my girls won a few things and we came in second and third in a bunch of events. Oh well, it was fun. :)

It was a rough week, but I'm glad I went. I'm glad to be home, and I can't wait to see what God has in store for us next year.

Not so sure.

So, as I sit here, looking at my computer, I'm kinda at a loss for what to say. I have a lot to say, just not sure how to put it without hurting anyone's feelings if they happen to read this...

I was over at the boyfriend's this morning because my car was being a hot mess last night, and I wanted to be able to jump it today if I needed. So. I'm over at Jase's, he's getting ready for work and I'm still sleeping.
I wake up, and ask him if he's going to have time to jump my car, and his response was "Well, my dad's here, so he can do it if you need it." Ok. #1. That's NOT what I asked. I asked if YOU had time to jump my car. I don't want to inconvenience your dad if you are completely capable of doing it yourself. #2. That's why I asked you last night what time you set your alarm, and when you said "9:30" I asked if that was going to be enough time to jump my car, and you said "don't worry about it babe." So I didn't worry about it.
So when I asked him why he didn't set his alarm earlier like I had asked him to, he said "I just thought it would give you more time to sleep." OK. Don't sit here, and make up some BS excuse as to why you didnt want to get up ten minutes earlier to help me out with something that's a pretty big deal. You just didn't want to get up earlier. And don't act like I'm crazy for getting upset with you.
What's going to happened if we get married? Are you just going to do things for me that don't inconvenience you?
Sometimes when I talk to my mom about marrying you, she just gives me one of those looks and says "I just dont know if he can make you happy like you want." Mom likes the boyfriend, she thinks he's nice and that he's a good guy, but she doesn't know if he should be the one I spend the rest of my life with. And it's things like these that sometimes make me think the same thing. And it makes me nervous. I want to get married soon, I love him and I've spent 4 years with him, I dont want to waste that or throw it down the drain. But how do I know he's going to be there when I need him? He obviously wasn't today. How do I know he's going to make me happy for the rest of my life when he doesn't reassure me?
I just don't know what to do. :(

I just LOVE babies!

My good friend, LaDawn, had her baby yesterday!! His name is Josiah Davis. He's 7 pounds, 15 ounces, and 20 inches long! And he's perfect, and beautiful, and oh so sweet. He was born at 2:55 pm on July 1, 2010. I just love him already.

And I'm soooo proud of LaDawn. She has been such a trooper through this whole experience. She's so brave and kind and just awesome. She is going to make such a great mommy, and Josiah will love her so much because she'll be so awesome!

I have engagement/wedding/baby envy right now. I'm so jealous of all the new fiancees, and the new husbands, and the new wives, and the new mommies. There things are what I've wanted my whole life, and now that we're at that age where these things can start happening, I want them to happen RIGHT NOW! I just can't wait. I mean, I can, like, I know I should wait until I'm done with school, and have a steady/decent job, and a good amount of money. But I'm ready NOW!! JAse and I have been together for 4 years, and it makes me so jealous whenever people get engaged who haven't even been dating a year. I'm happy for them, but I wish it was me. I try to tell myself that I'm not in a hurry, but I know it's a lie. Oh boy. I was also a little jealous of LaDawn's sister Tab yesterday. She was beaming and so excited to be an aunt, and it makes me sad that I had that privileged taken away from me for the moment. I know my time will come, but it just hurt my heart a little bit.

Had a slow day at work today. But my first table was ridiculously awesome. Their bill was $23 and some change, and they gave me $40, and told me to keep it. That's over $16 for a tip! It was awesome, but totally not expected. I gave them good service and I talked to them a bit, but I didn't do anything out of the ordinary or exceptional. I guess that some people are just nice, and I love nice people!

I can't wait to be engaged.
I can't wait to be married.
I can't wait to have a family. <3