I just wanna be mad for a while...

So this past weekend has been a pretty tough one.

Friday, on my way to work, my dad calls me and tells me that a really good family friend of ours had passed away earlier that day. Her name is Vet, and she has worked for my dad at The Pub for as long as I can remember. We've been very close with her our whole lives, we used to celebrate Christmas with her every year, and we would do stuff together like go to WWF wrestling matches. She's had cancer for the past yearish, so I mean, it's kind of a good thing because she isn't suffering anymore. She's been in a nursing home and just losing so much weight. I went to visit her twice, but now looking back on it, I wish I would have went to see her more. So my dad tells me 10 minutes before I go into work, so I walk in their with cry face, and everyone was asking me what was wrong which made me cry even more. So needless to say, my night was pretty bad.

Then Saturday comes, and I'm still sad, but I'm better. And Saturday was LaDawn's baby shower. I was so excited, and I went and we had a good time. But when I got home, I got a call from my brother. He told me that Jessi (his girlfriend) had a miscarriage. She had texted me earlier and told me she wasn't feeling well and that she might have a bladder infection, and she said she would probably have to go to the ER later that day if it didn't get better. Well it didn't get better, and it wasn't a bladder infection either. So my brother and I only have a 2 minute converstion because I was just at a loss for what to say. What do you say in a situation like that? So now he's not going to be a dad, Jessi isn't going to be a mom, and I'm not going to be an aunt. And what makes it even worse, is that the very next day was Mother's day. She I'm sure that was extremely hard for Jessi, I know it was for me, and I wasn't even the one who was going to have a baby.

I'm not going to lie. I am mad at God. I know it's easy when you aren't in a bad situation to always tell be "God does things for a reason..." and "I know the plans that I have for you. Plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11 NIV), but how could He let this happen? Especially 2 things right in a row like that. After I heard the news of Jessi and Tyler, I cried and threw my hands up and said "WHAT NOW GOD?!?!?! WHAT ELSE ARE GOING TO THROW AT ME?!" It's not fair. It's not fair that some people get to have strong healthy babies, but my brother and Jessi don't. It's not fair that people we love have to be taken away from us. And it's not fair that things ALWAYS seem to happen at the same time! WHY?!

I know I shouldn't be mad at God. But I am. I feel like such a hypocrite, but I can't help it. I've been asking for prayers for my brother and jessi, and even for me, so that I can stop feeling like this. I've read Bible passages about putting your trust in the Lord and I've engulfed myself in Christian music. And while reading and listening to these things, I've felt better for the moment, but when I'm not constantly being surrounded by them, I'm mad. I can't help it, and I hate this feeling. I hate being mad at God, because I know it is not right, and I know that it is not what He would want me to do. So if you could, just please continue to pray for me, my brother (Tyler) and Jessi, and my family and her's, that would be great.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

My Best Becky Friend

Went and saw my best friend Becky perform her junior recital this weekend. It was pretty marvelous if I do say so myself. She is such a talented singer and performer. I am so glad she changed her major!!! She will definitely do good things with her voice and her ability to put on a show. I teared up during the last song of her recital. It was soooo funny and I was soooo proud of her, I just couldn't help myself. I'm so lucky to have such a great best friend.

WOW-ZA!!!

I can't believe classes are coming to and end already! I am so ready for the summer, but I am not as ready as some of my other friends are. I think taking that little break last year really helped me out. I now have a major that I am happy with, and I am not absolutely hating school. I actually some-what enjoy it... which is weird. I don't enjoy getting up early, but I enjoy my 2 communcations classes. I think they are very interesting and they keep my attention and I've actually learned something in those classes this year. I owe a lot of that to Zach, my professor. You can tell he's passionate about his job and that he actually cares, and that has made a world of difference to me. Not too much longer now, and I'll be a college graduate! Then it's off to the real world to try to find a job. I might need to figure out what I might want to do first. Oh well, one step at a time.

Flawed

I would just like the world to know, that my brother and I, regardless of what you may think, are NOT perfect. And I think it's pretty unfair that you expect us to be. You shouldn't put us up on a pedestal, because we will eventually fall off of it, and let you down. So it would be great if you wouldn't put us up there in the first place. We'll make mistakes... guaranteed.

BABY?!?! (not mine)

Yeah, that's right. Come October, I will be considered "Aunt Marly". My brother and his girlfriend, Jessi, are pregnant. "Excited?" you ask! You betcha!! I only hope that other people can be happy and excited for them as well. Yeah, it wasn't planned... so what? It happened, and now they are going to be parents, and they will be great at it!
Not gonna lie, it's a little difficult for me to see my brother with a kid, especially now, but I have no doubt in my mind that he will make a great dad, and that Jessi will make a great mom.
They're pretty nervous, but who wouldn't be. It's a huge life changing experience, but everything will turn out fine and how God wants it.
I'm real sad though, cause they do live in Cincinnati, which is a good 3 and 1/2 hours away. I want to be a great aunt to the baby (we should find out what they're having on the next doctor's appointment day), but it'll be hard from so far away. But I'm sure we'll all make it work! :)
WOO HOO!!!!

Update!

Ever since Easter weekend, I have been so unorganized that it hurts. I lost my debit card, I've forgotten do an assignment or two, I've been late to work once.. I just don't get it. I'm normally pretty organized, but my life just isn't having it right now. I need a day to where I can just sit down, write out everything that I have coming up (summer is going to be CRAZY!) and clean my apartment and get everything organized again. Because this simply won't do anymore.

Classes are about over, which means finals are coming up. HOLY COW, where did time go?!?! I'm expecting B's in my 2 communications classes, and C's in environmental conservation and public relations. It's a shame my PR teacher absolutely sucks, I probably would have enjoyed that class/major if she wouldn't have ruined it for me. I'm pretty excited about next semester. I've got an english class (ehh), and 3 communications classes. 2 of which are with Dr. Zach Henning (who I've had this semester) and he's absolutely fabulous. I'm also excited to join the Communications Connection club next semester. This semester has been to busy to attend anything, but next semester will be different.

Contemporary services are also coming to a close. Summer is just going to be too hectic for all of us to meet every week. But now worries, they will start back up in the fall, with hopefully a new guitar player. :)

Summer is going to be great!! I'm a little nervous though, I'm going to be gone so much, but I have to pay for my apartment... we'll see how that goes. I might end up wipping out the $1,500 I have saved. :-\ But I'm pumped for all the things I'm doing:

• River City Faith fest (working and also singing for it): June 26th
• MAD CAMP: July 18-24th
• Mission Trip to Chicago: not sure of the dates yet
• Mitchell and Heather's wedding: June 5th
• David and Susan's Wedding: July 30th
• Ichthus June 16-19th

Plus hopefully a trip or two to Cincinnati and/or Bloomington. I. CANT. WAIT.

Work is going pretty great too. I had a bad night last night, but still made some good money. I'm starting to close more, which means more stress, but also, more money. So I'm ok with that. We're also starting to play volleyball after everyone gets off work at USI. We played last Sunday, and even though I messed up my knees, I had a really good time.

My tummy is growling, and I'm on my 2nd hour of my break, so I better go get some lunch!

You know what really grinds my gears?

You know what really grinds my gears? People who think they are above everyone else who don't think they have to obey rules.

For example: I was driving home last night from the movie with Jase. I about to turn onto Fulton from the Lloyd exit, and I noticed there was a car waiting to turn left. We had a red light, and so after stopping and making sure there wasn't any cars coming the other way, I proceeded to turn right. As I was going, I started to notice the guy in the other car moving forward as well. As I turned and looked into my reveiw mirror, I noticed the person had turned left, while the light was still red!!! Now, why in the world would he think that it was ok for him to do that? There was no sign that said "Left turn on red allowed after stop". Just because no one is around (which there were people around, ie: me) doesn't mean you can run a red light!! Why do you think you are special enough to not have to obey the traffic rules that everyone else does? If you would have just waited, you would have gotten your stinking green light not even sixty seconds later!

Example number 2: I'm at school in the library typing this right now. Why does the girl accross from me think it's ok to have a coffee and a cookie/brownie/something from Starbucks with her at the computer? The rule clearly says that no food or drink (unless it's bottled) is allowed in the library. And you're sitting at a computer eating and drinking from a starbucks cup? REALLY?! Just because you are probably a rich daddy's girl doesn't mean you are allowed to do whatever you want.

I've always been good about following the rules my whole life. Maybe that's why I'm so picky about it now. But come on people. How about we follow the rules and shrink the size of our heads a little bit?