Sometimes I don't know where to go...

I want to begin the blog by saying that I love my church and my church family with all of my heart. I've grown up with them and I know they all care about me so much, and I care about them. However, lately, I just haven't been feeling my church. I'm not sure exactly what it is. I just can't put my finger on it, but I find myself not wanting to be involved with many things at the church anymore.
Over the past few years, I've been a part of the church choir, I've been a part of our contemporary service band on Wednesday nights, and I've helped out with various other things and events around the church throughout the year.
But lately, I've just wanted a break. Jase has been telling me for a few years now that I need to cut something out of my busy busy schedule. And I keep telling him that I can't just cut something out because everything means so much to me, and it's not that easy. But I'm starting to think he's right.

When I look at my life, I see 4 main things that keep me busy:
1.) Work (duh)- I work anywhere from 35-45 hours a week, which is quite a lot. I work a lot of late nights, and it's hard for me to get up in the morning for Sunday School and church. It's not like a lot of other kids my age that I know that don't go to church because they spend their Saturday nights drinking. I spend my Saturday nights making money so I am able to afford to pay my bills.
2.) Working out- Ever since January, this has been such an important thing for me. I'm trying to make changes about the way I eat and the way I look, and that (sadly) doesn't come easy. It takes a lot of time and effort to cook, eat right, and work out. And unfortunately, one night that I do my Zumba is on Wednesday nights. It hasn't been bad this summer, but now that school is back in session we have choir practice on Wednesday nights, and after labor day, we're going to start the contemporary services again. And I'm just not sure if I want to give up that hour of fun and exercise.
3.) Church- My time spent at church has been cut back a lot in the past few months. A while ago, I used to be at church 3-5 days a week just doing different things. It's not that I don't enjoy doing these things, they just take up a lot of time, where I could be doing something else.
4.) Wedding Planning- This is new to me, and I know won't last forever; however it's probably the 2nd most important thing in my life right now. And boy does it take up a ton of time. I find myself doing things for my wedding instead of doing other things for my church sometime.

I hate the fact that I would rather work out, or plan my wedding instead of do things at church. It makes me look at myself like a bad christian. How could I want to put something of this world and so material in front of honoring Him? It's really been on my heart a lot lately, and I guess I need to pray more about it. But I probably haven't prayed about it because I know what I should do. But then again, I think I do kind of need a break. While I was doing all of the things at church, I was kind of getting burned out on it. I was tired of having to be at every event every week, and help with everything. I don't know how some people (like Ms Joannie and Ms Diane and several several others) do it.

I'm not sure why I'm feeling this way. Maybe it's because I don't feel connected to the church sermons, so I'm not getting my spiritual feel. Maybe it's because I'm just being super selfish. Maybe it's because I'm burned out. I'm not sure what it is, but I don't like it, and I just don't know what to do.

239 Days to go!

Only 239 days until my last name changes to Poag! I can't believe it's almost here! Pretty sure I'll be making a decision on a dress here in the next week. Mom and I are going shopping in Owensboro tomorrow and this will probably be the last dress shop we go to. I'm pretty sure I've found "the dress", but I think mom still wants to do a bit of shopping, and I have to admit, I do too, it's pretty fun. I met with Angel yesterday to talk to her about flowers and center pieces and stuff. Then Jase and I went and met with Third Generation Photography in Mt. Vernon. So I got a few things accomplished for the wedding the other day. Once I get my schedule at work tomorrow, I'm going to make some more appointments to do things next week.

Here's an update on house hunting: We've decided to buy dad's house. We're actually moving in September 16th!!! I've got so much to do until then. I've got to get packed and get this apartment cleaned! It's crazy. We're going to have a few roommates for a little bit to help with the costs, but it should be a good family house when we decide to start having kids

OH! And, my very best friend in the whole wide world is also now engaged! When I was little I always hoped that we'd get to plan our weddings together, and now we actually get to! It's pretty exciting for me, and I can't wait to share in her and her fiance's special day, even if it will be a million degrees outside ;).

Magellan's getting so big. He's eating dry kitten food now instead of the wet canned food. He uses the litter box every time. He's getting along well with the other cats; we can actually leave him running around the apartment instead of having to keep him locked up in my room. He likes to play a whole lot, and his version of playing is scratching and biting the crap out of our hands and faces, but he doesn't know better. We do have a slight problem with fleas right now though. Since he's so little, I can't use any flea medicine on him, and we've tried giving him several baths with Dawn dish soap to stun the fleas so we can pick them off of him and kill them, but obviously we didn't get them all. Hopefully we can get that resolved by the time we move to the new house!